Total Verbal Let-Down

The last concert I saw was in May of 2010, just a few months before I left for Tonga. When my friend Elizabeth told me The Punch Brothers would be in Lexington this month, I was all in. I'm becoming a bigger and bigger fan of bluegrass music, and since I plan on trying out the mandolin soon, I'd hoped it would be equal motivation as well as entertainment.

Entertainment would be light-years away from categorizing this experience. Concert doesn't even justify the caliber of talent these men expel when they play and sing. Though Chris Thile has the most leverage as far as stardom, the entire band was jaw-dropping. Each player (banjo, fiddle, bass, guitar, and of course Thile's mandolin) had his own solo in most of the songs, and the harmonies just made it more ridiculous. The speed and range of instruments and vocals...I was flabbergasted.

This was quite obvious when I got to meet the band afterwards for poster-signing. Whitney and Elizabeth shoved me in front of them because they were nervous and I was calm and tired. They're still people, I figured, so it doesn't really matter what I say. They're not going to remember me anyway--especially since their tour schedule has them packing up every day to go to a new town/state.

So Chris Thile signs first, then the bass player, who, as he's looking up at me, says, "Oh, I really like your pendant."

I was wearing a random, simple gold dangly chain with a two-part Japanese girl in a kimono. She looks geisha-ish. I'm not sure why I decided to buy it, but I like Japanese people and the colors were pretty. And I like buying strange things.

However, this made me feel very strange, as though I needed to accept the compliment while acknowledging the weirdness of wearing a little Japanese girl around my neck. So instead of a standard "thank you," I replied,
"Oh, thanks--I've been a little self-conscious about it because I was afraid it would make me look like a pedophile with an Asian fetish or something."

Calculating, awkward stare.

"Cause, you know, it's a little Asian gir....right. Well, thanks."
Luckily the guitarist saved me and said, "No, it really is cool. I like it."
I blushed, said thank you, and could only think about getting the hell out of dodge.
As we walked back to the car and the girls were all giddy and freaking out, was giving myself a serious mental going-over. Really, Jamie? Who would use "pedophile" and "fetish" in the same sentence while getting an autograph from probably the best bluegrass musicians in the world? That is beyond bizarre.

The girls said, "Well, at least they'll probably remember you! I'm like any other girl who just walked up and smiled and said 'thanks,' but now you'll be the pendant girl."

Of course, if they actually do remember me, I'm sure it'll involve adjectives such as "strange", "awkward", "Asian necklace" or "oddly chatty fetish girl." Honestly, how have I made it in public thus far? Someone give me a muzzle.